Yesterday dear sweet Annaleigh passed away in her loving mothers arms. There was a photo of the whole family that the nurses took which was really sweet. I am just heartbroken for them. She was such a special little girl, just like her other sister Lily and her brother Charlie. They were miracle babies. They were born at 25 wks and they are 8wks old now. So it was quite the shock that Annaleigh would not make it. I wish i could take their pain away. I don't think parents should ever have to endure the loss of a child. The badge was made by a fellow nestie so i wanted to post it here.
Still getting a bfn...it's just so wierd to me..i have been having wild dreams for the past few days...i was really hoping...but i know it's a stretch..I'm not really peeing as much as before and my bbs' don't hurt anymore they just feel a bit bigger but that could be in mind. Lower back is still sore but I have no AF cramps...just wierd cramps. i was sitting on my couch last night and had this wierd type of poking pain on my left side..I was kind of hoping it was a late implanter... so testing this morning and getting another bfn was a little hard.
I am still not giving up hope even though i know deep down that it's a BFN but I can't get over all of the symptoms i've had this whole cycle.
Needless to say I am not giving up on getting pregnant naturally. I'm going to get OPK's, Preseed and whatever else will help. I think i'll start taking wheatgrass again as well. DH's count and motility has been excellent even before the wash so we are confident that it can happen on our own. I am not giving up on my dream to become a mom...I just have to take some time off until we can afford ivf..i will be getting a bonus in december and our taxes back which i will do as soon as I get all the paperwork and hopefully we'll have enough. I really don't want to take a loan out for it because if it doesn't work I don't want to be paying it off every month...I have one shot at ivf unless we have any to freeze then we can possibly do a FET for around $1k.
Ugh..never thought we'd be talking about ivf...just wish my insurance would have covered it because we would have done it earlier.
2 comments:
Well I still am holding out some hope for you b/c things seem different this cycle. I mean they really really do!
That is so so sad about Annaleigh. That is a beautiful badge. 25 weeks is really early, my sister was born then. I am sure with 3 it's harder!
Preseed has been known to cause miracles so you never know. Break cycle BFPs you see often! BUT if this comes up to be a negative cycle it would be worth you and DH going over all your finances and seeing if you can make IVF happen sooner. Even with insurance ours was 10 grand. There are also the shared risk programs to think about! We thought about them.
I am thinking about you!
I am praying for a miracle beta tomorrow. You so deserve it. This has been the worst weekend for us IF'ers/SAIF'ers in so many ways. Don't give up!
Post a Comment