It's over...went to the bathroom and there is bright red spotting now. My back stopped hurting as much today & i started getting my hope back. Coming home to this has been an absolute shock. I can't believe this might be AF and it's early. That or it's the progesterone irritating the cervix. Def not geting a bfp this month. I am so disappointed i don't know what to say....I can't even post what 7dp7dt is doing because it just doesn't feel right...it's all about the fetus developing. Ugh..i am going to go curl up and cry my eyes out now. I just don't understand why we have to go through this. It just doesn't make any sense.
Beta is Friday for those of you who have asked. I was going to try to keep it private so that i could tell dh and our families first but knowing this is coming to an end what's the difference now....
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Day 6
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
Today alot of people get a BFP on their pee tests...me i am sitting here frozen in fear. I can't do it. Reasons are...1) My back pain was there all day today and has just let up a bit in the past hour 2) I am still spotting but it brown but to me too much like AF 3) i've got no patience. Therefore AF is coming. I just know it.
So no testing tonight as i don't want to see one lonely line...not tonight..i'm just not up for it. I know in my heart of hearts that this ivf didn't work. And my heart just hurts thinking about it...we want this so bad. Why can't it be us? Why can't we have a baby? I will never understand why god chose this path for us. What have we done wrong in our lives to have to endure such pain while others who are shooting themselves up or cheating on their husbands and don't want a baby etc etc etc...this just pains me to even think about it. Sorry..i'm just really sad tonight. I wish god would give me a sign..or i wish i had the guts to pee on a stick..i'm gutless...I can't even face the inevitable....
Today alot of people get a BFP on their pee tests...me i am sitting here frozen in fear. I can't do it. Reasons are...1) My back pain was there all day today and has just let up a bit in the past hour 2) I am still spotting but it brown but to me too much like AF 3) i've got no patience. Therefore AF is coming. I just know it.
So no testing tonight as i don't want to see one lonely line...not tonight..i'm just not up for it. I know in my heart of hearts that this ivf didn't work. And my heart just hurts thinking about it...we want this so bad. Why can't it be us? Why can't we have a baby? I will never understand why god chose this path for us. What have we done wrong in our lives to have to endure such pain while others who are shooting themselves up or cheating on their husbands and don't want a baby etc etc etc...this just pains me to even think about it. Sorry..i'm just really sad tonight. I wish god would give me a sign..or i wish i had the guts to pee on a stick..i'm gutless...I can't even face the inevitable....
Monday, December 14, 2009
day 5
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
Sooooo today was different. I went to the bathroom around 1:30ish and when i wiped there was some pinkish brown. It scared me so much. I wiped again and there was a little bit more. Now i am in a full blown panic. I had been having AF like cramps like an hour before that. I called dh and he said he'd call the nurse for me. When he called me back he told me it's completely normal. Could be the progesterone irritating my cervix OR it could be implantation bleeding!!! I was like really???? Of course i googled it and yes it could be the right time for it. I am 5dp5dt. I went to the bathroom about an hour later and there was barely anything there. The cramps were still there though.
Came home and dh is all excited. I so hope he is not disappointed. I can't help but feel down though. I know, i should try to be positive but you see i have AF like cramps still and my back is sore. If my back wasn't sore i'd have some hope but it is. This is my classic sign that AF should be here in about a week. It just sucks that i can't be happy about the bleeding...my luck it's prob the damn progesterone suppositories.
Dh and i may test early but we haven't decided. If we do it'll be closer to end of week. I can't bare to see a negative result.
Sooooo today was different. I went to the bathroom around 1:30ish and when i wiped there was some pinkish brown. It scared me so much. I wiped again and there was a little bit more. Now i am in a full blown panic. I had been having AF like cramps like an hour before that. I called dh and he said he'd call the nurse for me. When he called me back he told me it's completely normal. Could be the progesterone irritating my cervix OR it could be implantation bleeding!!! I was like really???? Of course i googled it and yes it could be the right time for it. I am 5dp5dt. I went to the bathroom about an hour later and there was barely anything there. The cramps were still there though.
Came home and dh is all excited. I so hope he is not disappointed. I can't help but feel down though. I know, i should try to be positive but you see i have AF like cramps still and my back is sore. If my back wasn't sore i'd have some hope but it is. This is my classic sign that AF should be here in about a week. It just sucks that i can't be happy about the bleeding...my luck it's prob the damn progesterone suppositories.
Dh and i may test early but we haven't decided. If we do it'll be closer to end of week. I can't bare to see a negative result.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 4
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
As you can see today is another important day. My embyro's are still burying themselves into my lining. Yesterday I didn't have that much cramping but I was nauseous twice. I woke up this am in a good mood even though i woke up at 5am from a bad dream. I was fighting with DH..hate those kind of dreams. I've been having weird dreams these past 2-3 nights. I think i've got alot on my mind.
I wish i had more cramping as i know its a good sign so we'll see what today brings.
Have to do some food shopping and then nothing the rest of the day. I don't plan on doing anything. I have a long week this week!!!
Some people have asked if i'll test early...dh and i spoke about it yesterday. If we were we'd test a day before the beta or perhaps the morning off. I'm just so scared. I don't want to see one line. We deserve 2. Doubt has crept in for both of us at this point. I wish it hadn't but it's there.
God if you are listening please, please, please give us our christmas miracle..amen.
As you can see today is another important day. My embyro's are still burying themselves into my lining. Yesterday I didn't have that much cramping but I was nauseous twice. I woke up this am in a good mood even though i woke up at 5am from a bad dream. I was fighting with DH..hate those kind of dreams. I've been having weird dreams these past 2-3 nights. I think i've got alot on my mind.
I wish i had more cramping as i know its a good sign so we'll see what today brings.
Have to do some food shopping and then nothing the rest of the day. I don't plan on doing anything. I have a long week this week!!!
Some people have asked if i'll test early...dh and i spoke about it yesterday. If we were we'd test a day before the beta or perhaps the morning off. I'm just so scared. I don't want to see one line. We deserve 2. Doubt has crept in for both of us at this point. I wish it hadn't but it's there.
God if you are listening please, please, please give us our christmas miracle..amen.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Day 3
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
Today i woke up with absolutely no patience at all. I am ok now 20 mins later but my cats & dog were annoying the shit out of me. Then i realized...this is how i get every month around this time. And my heart sank. I looked up to see what my embies are doing today & it says today is implantation day. So i calmed down. It's way too early to be negative about it not working isn't it?? I will just be so sad if this doesn't work.
I have cramping today still. I have been told that cramping is a good sign. I'm hoping the bitchiness is from the prometrium. Although i've been on it since 12/5..wouldn't it have turned me bitchy before today??
I am going to try to stay positive. I have burny cramps as i type this on one side so i'm hoping thats one of my embies starting to implant. This brings me joy!!!
Today i woke up with absolutely no patience at all. I am ok now 20 mins later but my cats & dog were annoying the shit out of me. Then i realized...this is how i get every month around this time. And my heart sank. I looked up to see what my embies are doing today & it says today is implantation day. So i calmed down. It's way too early to be negative about it not working isn't it?? I will just be so sad if this doesn't work.
I have cramping today still. I have been told that cramping is a good sign. I'm hoping the bitchiness is from the prometrium. Although i've been on it since 12/5..wouldn't it have turned me bitchy before today??
I am going to try to stay positive. I have burny cramps as i type this on one side so i'm hoping thats one of my embies starting to implant. This brings me joy!!!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Day 2
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
Last night i woke up at around 1:30am with bad cramping. I think it was from taking the progesterone pills too close together. They weren't horrible. I wasn't doubling over in pain at all but they were painful. Today i had cramping off and on but i am also constipated so some of it could be that too. Ugh...things we go through.
My dh is the absolute cutest in the whole world. He is going to be a great father. He has such high hopes for this cycle and i hope he is not disappointed. He took a photo of our babies with his cell phone. He told me he's been showing anyone who would look at them!! hahaha...Plus everytime i call him he picks up the phone in a panic. Are you ok?? What's the matter?? lol...he is a freak right now. I can't imagine what he's going to be like when i'm officially pregnant. It's so cute. He told the guys at work that if his phone rings he has to get it if it's me in case something is wrong. He is such a caring husband.
Dear Embies - please bury yourselves into my uterus and make it your home. We would love to be parents. You are very loved already and we want to keep you and hold onto you for 9mos. We hope that you are healthy & happy for the rest of your lives. xoxoxo love mommy & daddy.
Last night i woke up at around 1:30am with bad cramping. I think it was from taking the progesterone pills too close together. They weren't horrible. I wasn't doubling over in pain at all but they were painful. Today i had cramping off and on but i am also constipated so some of it could be that too. Ugh...things we go through.
My dh is the absolute cutest in the whole world. He is going to be a great father. He has such high hopes for this cycle and i hope he is not disappointed. He took a photo of our babies with his cell phone. He told me he's been showing anyone who would look at them!! hahaha...Plus everytime i call him he picks up the phone in a panic. Are you ok?? What's the matter?? lol...he is a freak right now. I can't imagine what he's going to be like when i'm officially pregnant. It's so cute. He told the guys at work that if his phone rings he has to get it if it's me in case something is wrong. He is such a caring husband.
Dear Embies - please bury yourselves into my uterus and make it your home. We would love to be parents. You are very loved already and we want to keep you and hold onto you for 9mos. We hope that you are healthy & happy for the rest of your lives. xoxoxo love mommy & daddy.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Day 1
1dpt - blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
Yesterday i had alot of cramping. I was exhausted so i slept alot of the day. I am off today so i'm vegging out on the couch with my little dog. He is such good company.
I've had some cramping today as well but not much so far. I'm feeling great. Just going to lay low. Wish dh was home today to make me lunch and dinner..ugh..guess i'll have to do that myself. But circulating the blood is a good thing so i'm sure it's ok.
I hope the wait until beta day isn't too long!!
Yesterday i had alot of cramping. I was exhausted so i slept alot of the day. I am off today so i'm vegging out on the couch with my little dog. He is such good company.
I've had some cramping today as well but not much so far. I'm feeling great. Just going to lay low. Wish dh was home today to make me lunch and dinner..ugh..guess i'll have to do that myself. But circulating the blood is a good thing so i'm sure it's ok.
I hope the wait until beta day isn't too long!!
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