4dp IUI

I am taking Endometrin and it's giving me cramping and lower back pain...I wish I had a feeling as to whether this worked or not. Thanksgiving was hell. My Pg SIL was there and i knew she was coming so I prepared myself. My SIL just told me a few days before thanksgiving that my DH's cousin that just got married in July is expecting a child w/his wife. It worked the first time for them. I jokingly said I hate when that happens..but in my head I'm thinking at least she lives in Lake George and I don't have to see her. Well...can you guess who showed up for dinner? YUP!! At one point i was sitting in between them and they were discussing babies and maternity clothes and I was like WTF?? My SIL knows what I am going through and didn't even try to be sensitive to it. So my DH saw me and asked me to come sit with him in the Livingroom. He was upset too. Apparently only DH's mom & Dad knew they were coming. When my BIL came w/his girlfriend I was relieved and said to my MIL thank god another non-pg girl is here. She said I know I thought about you getting upset but I figured you are better than that...BETTER THAN WHAT EXACTLY?? Is this whole process not supposed to hurt me? Am I a cold person? Do I not have any feelings?? I was so taken back I said well it affected me more than I thought it would and then she kind of realized I was really upset by it and the rest of the day she was spotlighting me. Anytime someone would talk about babies etc..she would look at me and during the dinner prayer she said she's thankful for her grandchildren and the babies are coming soon. Then looked at me and said and the babies that are hopefully coming...I was so embarrassed. I know she didn't mean anything by it but she didn't need to say anything at all.

Today I have a slight cold. I wish my IUI was last Friday so that I would be home for implantation. I am going to work this week and i'm hoping it's not going to be a stressful week. I will just have to make sure I won't be stressed out. 10 more day's to testing. I hate that I have to go into the office that day for the b\w. Last time I got a lab form and went to Quest then they called me and told me it was BFN which I already knew. I think i'll test again that morning so when they call me i have an idea. If it's a happy time then I'll be excited if not at least I won't break down and cry my eyes out at work. I sit so close to everyone. AND everyone knows when I'll find out too. Oh i so wish this is the month for me. This one is going to hurt more than the rest if it doesn't work.