My New Fertility song!!

Miley Cyrus - The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreamin
but there's a voice inside my head
sayin you'll never reach it
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

but I I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

[Chorus] there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
ain't about how fast I get there
ain't about whats waitin on the other side
it's the climb

The struggles I'm facin
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
but No I'm not breakin
I may not know it
But these are the moments
that I'm gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going

Keep on moving,
keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
it's all about, it's all about The climb Keep the faith, keep your faith

Pretty much sums up how I am feeling these days... i little negative but a lot positive that i will someday be a mother. I just wanted to share and hope you all can pull some strength to continue on this roller coaster.

I'm so sick

Ugh..i have a really sore throat, ear ache and my back hurts where my lungs are. It came on yesterday on my way home from the RE appt. My dh was complaining of a sore throat yesterday and of course i got it. I feel yucky..I thought my pre-natals would help with not getting sick!!! Gross...I feel just gross....

Needle training!!

Needle training today was fun! Yah right. I ordered my meds (bravelle & Menopur)...AF is due on the 23rd or the 24th so the next 2 wks are going to be rough. At least I am busy for the next week or so.

My nephews party and Easter were actually ok. The bday party went well even though my mom (the one person I thought I could count on to not make a big deal out of that girl that's KU, not married etc...) made a huge deal over her as soon as she walked in and later on. It seemed like she did it when I was right there. So i stayed away from her the whole party. The girl that was prg wasn't even talking about it that much!!! Whatev.... Easter was awesome. I got to hold my new little 11wk old nephew Carter. He was sooooo cute!!!! He kept staring at me so I said he was sending me baby vibes...It was so different this time being around a baby. It wasn't uncomfortable for me or for DH. It was almost like in my head i was saying this is coming soon so I'd better start to practice handling a baby. It was just so wierd and almost natural. I am praying that I am pg this month. Oh please let next the 2 wks go by fast!!

Instead cups SUCK!!!

SO the last 2 times I tried using them and when I stood up...it all came out. I just don't know how the hell you are supposed to use them!!! PLUS I read if they are not in correctly they can close off your cervix and I am having that. SO they were a bust.... glad they were only $7. Prob the cheapest thing I have bought on this IF journey.

So now i am past the O stage and in the 2ww. I have a birthday party for my 2yr old nephew today and I am looking forward to it even though a girl that is 24, not married, not living with the guy, and just started dating him 6mos ago is pregnant and apparently doesn't shut up about it, is going to be there. AND they weren't trying to prevent it from happening. Can you believe it? I said congrats you have been given a miracle as i have been trying for 3 yrs. The first thing she says is "Have you thought about adopting??" I wanted to punch her through the computer. Fertiles just have no idea. I just hope she shuts up for my sake. Or I just may have to tell her to. I think my mom would prob help me out in that dept though. She will see it's bothering me and say something to her on the side.

Tomorrow is Easter and my SIL will be there with her 2 mos old baby. I am going to hold him as much as I can in hopes that the old wive's tale (when your around babies you get pregnant) comes true. I hope I can manage to hold it together. It's my dh that i'm worried about. He just hasn't been able to be around people that are pregnant or has babies lately. This journey is taking it's toll on him.

BUT we are both very positive that the new dr will have success with us as it's as good for her as it is for us. She needs to have success rates to get her business out there. She's been doing it for 3.5 yrs and has had a lot of success. Mostly with ivf's but we're hoping with iui's..........

Happy Easter everyone!!

Approaching the big O

Today, tomorrow or sat..not sure which day as I am not wasting anymore of my $$ on OPK's. I ovulate every month around the same time according to the last 50 opks i've done. I am getting so anxious to get pg now which isn't good. SO I am going to do my yoga dvd (Bend, Breath & Conceive) and hope my stress is lessened. I hope the next 2wks go by fast. Work is pretty busy so I'm sure it will. Monday I go back to the RE for needle training etc... wednesday I go for a PAP and next tuesday I have a CISR class for work to go to and there is a test afterwards so I hope I can stay focused enough to pass it and work towards my certification.

Hate wishing my life away but I really can't wait to see if this cycle worked so I know whether or not I have to do these damn shots again....yuck...

Instead cups

Sounds so funny but when i read that they can help with getting pg i am willing to try anything. It is usually used for menstrual cycles but holding it all up there until you pull it out (pull the plug lol) Well for IF it is used right after bd'ing to hold all the sperm up around the cervix so it doesn't have anywhere else to go but in!!! It says to climax after you put it in...uhmmm don't think that'll be happening. So next weekend is the BIG weekend and i'll be using them!!!! Let's see if the psychic is right.

PREGNANT BY SEPT!!!!

That's what the psychic told me today. He told me that it IS going to happen. I was so excited. He did tell me that i have some issues that i need to get past before it's possible. It's kind of like I have a mental block. He said he I have anger issues with the opposite sex in regards to commitment and trust issues. At first i thought he was crazy but then I thought about it and lately I have had trust issues with my dh. It's all in my head as I know he would never cheat on me but there is always this little bit of doubt. So he told me to have a talk with dh and clear up any doubts and it'll happen. AND he said i'll be happily pregnant by September. I don't always buy into this crap but this time i choose to lol. He is usually right on the ball with other people. Let's hope he is right!!! (i have also heard him giving bad news to woman who have asked so he's not just telling me cuz that's what I want to hear) he's brutally honest.

Now Sept is 4 mos away and i am doing iui #4 in the beginning of May. So we'll see...